5 Ways to understand grief and when it feels overwhelming
There is a thought that grief must have a beginning and an end. Around us we see others moving past their grief stories, working their jobs, and interacting with their loved ones. So, what about us? Why does it feel so different? Will our grief ever end?
By the end of this blog, you will have a better understanding of grief, validation for your individual grief experience, communication to supports around you, and professional help.
1) Grief and understanding
Grief is one of the most challenging parts of the human experience. Grief is complex because we are told by others around us how to grieve, when to grieve, how long we are expected to grieve, and even feel shame for the way we grieve. To understand your pain of loss is to understand your own grief process; your own unique journey. There is not one way to grieve.
Understanding and acknowledging that in grief there is a shift from active grief, feeling the pain, then back to entering into the world, where you are working and existing in new routines is important. We all have our limits and find our own balance in processing grief as a whole.
It is okay to feel relief when re-entering the world and finding new norms. Relief is a complex emotion while grieving.
2) Grief and loss
We are surrounded by grief and experience loss at different times during the day to varying amounts and degrees continuously. Feeling isolated and alone is an important part of loss. Existentially this is an experience no one else can feel for us and therefore our grief journey is very sacred.
At times we shield ourselves from the shared feelings of loss with those around us, because we do not believe others can fully understand our own unique experience. After already losing so much the thought of connecting with another person feels overwhelming.
Grief is earth moving, but opening your mind and heart to the loss around you can help with these emotions. Healing at your own pace and with your own boundaries.
3) Grief when it will not pass
Grief experiences bring us to our most vulnerable extent and pushes our bodies and minds like never before. You feel shaken and want to strive, yearn, and seek that which has been lost.
Being caught in a stuck state of grief wanting to move forward; but feeling pulled back due to feelings of despair, numbness, fear, anger, and guilt is incredibly overwhelming. These emotions are for good reason because you have lost and feel different, your world is different.
Grief challenges our whole concept of who we are as a person. In this shift forever changing the way we engage and interact with the world. We begin to ask “who am I now?”
4) Grief to those around us
Being present with another’s grief is not about taking the pain away. People see the pain which comes with grief and with the best intentions seek to solve, move, and usher your grief for you. They may tell stories, share rituals, routines, and thoughts.
Finding your own voice to express your needs during times of grief is not an easy task. One, because we do not know how to express these needs and two, we do not know what we need for ourselves and cannot give answers to others than just needing to sit in the pain and authentically grieve.
5) Grief and professional help
Counselors and other grief informed professionals are a valuable part of the grief healing process. Professionals are trained in many different evidence-based skills and techniques to help in the journey of healing. There is no one size fits all when it comes to grief, but a professionally skilled individual who authentically cares for their client becomes a grounding post to help while navigating the grief experience.
Death in our society is still taboo and seeking help can feel shaming which only amplifies feelings of weakness. Not only are professionals here to help, but they want to help! To share in your grief journey and walk beside you. If you are experiencing grief now or have in the past explore different professionals, skills, and techniques until you find one that feels right for you. You are not alone.
Conclusion
Your grief journey is and will remain unique. We carry our grief with us and are reminded throughout or life of the loss and love of connection. Grief transforms, transcends, and fills us just as it brings us down.
If this blog has been useful to you and you would like to discuss your own grief further you can reach me to schedule an appointment at Holisticpathcounseling.com or contact me via email at Jason@holisticpathcounseling.com I am a licensed counselor and grief informed.
Believe in your own journey.
Jason E. Abrahamzon, LPC
